So last week I learnt some things about grass. I was thinking I could do one last short mow before the winter, but knew the mulcher would leave loads of loose clippings. so I thought ‘Hey, why not do one cut of the whole garden with the push mower collecting the grass as we go?’ Big mistake. It was 1. long and the grass box needed emptying every 37 seconds, 2. the long grass clogged up the blaades so it kept cutting out, 3. although it had been dry the grass was wet deeper down where it was being cut 4. wet grass doesn’t collect up into the grass box properly. Result? A good Honda push mower with a burnt out engine puffing out blue smoke and turning the blades slower than a tortoise with a limp carrying a twin speed washer-dryer. Think I may have killed it.

And the grass is still half uncut and looks a bit silly, like one of those German rock fans with shaved sides of the head and a long mullet.